My Encounter with... "LELAKI INI"!!!

It was my hubby's business partner's brother in-law's wedding. I was talking to my his other partner's wife, when suddenly I spotted him and I just went huuhhh!!! O-M-G!!! And she went what??? Wait! wait! wait!! Let me cool down a little! Don't turn but that's Annuar Zain aaaaa!! Quick he is passing by, ok!ok! she went... "Eti, take out your phone and I'll take a picture of you with him! And tarrraaaa!!!!
He was so friendly, he actually stopped and chat. I was all flabbergasted and blabbering! So when is it gonna be your turn??? AZ went like, Wedding you mean??? Dumdfounded me, " yeah, what are you waiting for???" Hmmm lambat lagi lah.... Ohhh gushing gushing gushing!!! Me of course, and he was just there smiling down at me with his sweet smile....aaaahhhh!!! I am updating while having his latest single.. Lelaki Ini playing at the background. I promised him I'll get his latest album...and so I will...

Haunted Mansion... NOT!

If someone were to ask me to name one of the scariest place that I’ve ever been too, it wouldn’t be the Haunted Mansion in Disneyland. Na… aaahh. No way! I’m sure any normal woman would have been to this place at least once in their lifetime. And furthermore, having been to this place… knowing that it’s haunted, knowing that each time you come out of that place you are just like in a daze, totally not knowing what had happened in there. What cosmic supernatural powers that existed in that place that could have possessed you each time you enter. The most rational being … well maybe not the most rational, I guess the most rational person will not return to this place.

Ok, enough beating around the bush. Let’s not talk about anybody else let’s just talk about me. I am an average normal moderate income earning mother of 2 who works hard for a living. Once in a while I don’t think there’s any wrong with splurging a little bit on my good ol’ self. No, I don’t mean spending on shoes and handbags, these two things I strongly believe that I do deserve them and I’m not talking once in a while either. I am referring to skin care, facials. You see the scarry place that I was referring to earlier was a facial salon, beauty centres and spas. You know what I mean right?

Before April this year, I thought I have been neglecting my skin for quite sometime in the sense that I have not been going for regular facials. Firstly it is because I just couldn’t find the right place, with the right services (meaning good products with good therapists that do thorough, miraculous extractions that would leave my face black/white head less for weeks on end or that will also be able to give excellent back, shoulder and facial massages). It’s always one thing or the other, you know the product would be good but they don’t do extractions, or they don’t have such super duper products but the salons are just heavenly, the actual facial so-so but the massages that comes with it are to die for. So I ended up spa or salon hopping.

Until one fine day which so happens to be the Mother’s Day month and bonus month. Woohoo! Big mistake for someone like me, and what am I? A big sucker! That’s what I am. To cut a long tragic story short, no I wasn’t forced or even slightest bit coerced into anything. It was all my fault. What can I say? I have a weak heart. I somehow found myself walking out of this swanky, posh salon (when I do not have in the first place any business to go in there) with a treatment programme that could have easily bought me an “LV Never Full Tote” (this I have to revisit and dedicate a posting to this beauty)! Sigh! But the lady in there promised that my face will be free of blackheads and whiteheads and I would have a more even skin tone. After all one do need to take care of their skin early on in life or risk pre-mature aging! I don’t what that, do I? No!!!

So, having bought the programme, I thought great I never need to spend again for the next 4-6 treatments right? I should leave my credit card home. Of course, I almost never leave home without them. What do you know, the next treatment, I suddenly find myself in need of the “Home Facial Set”, and the next treatment, I decided that I simply must try the underarm waxing. Another treatment I realized that hey, you have an adjoining nail spa, do they do mani & pedi during facial treatments. Wow, talk about time saving!!! You catch my drift??

This morning I was determined to walk out of this "haunted place" only with a new tube of facial wash, since I’ll be running out of my current tube in no time at all. When all of a sudden I realized that I had signed up for a Merdeka Celebration package that would supposedly save me give me GREAT savings but I was just blinded by the fact that it cost me the left pair of a Ferragamo pumps not even on sale! What is wrong with me. That's just it I am such a weak! weak! person. God give me strength, else give me more money!!! Amen!

TALISMAN's DUAL CELEBRATION

We had our very first "FAMILY DAY" yesterday. It was held at Taman Tasik Titiwangsa, where the EYE on MALAYSIA is. We have not been to this park for quite sometime, infact I cannot even remember if we had ever taken our kids there. Even though it is relatively much nearer to our home compared to the Lake Gardens.

It was called Dual Celebration in conjunction with:a) the 50th Merdeka Celebration & b) to celebrate our 10th year since our 1st oil production from our block PM-3 CAA. Whatever the reason... it was at the end of the day a Family Day, lots of SUN, FUN and of course food! Being our first Family Day ever, I thought it went pretty well. My kids surely enjoyed themselves silly on the bouncy castle.

No, this is not a hot air balloon, it was just this hot air balloon like inflatable structure that just added some colour to the field.

Zarif & Nayli with their sausages for breakfast.

Yep, we even had our own Mini Opera House. Wonder if the white canopy covering the stage is an inflatable structure too?? a choir too! Tanggal tiga puluh satu... bulan lapan... lima puluh tujuuuuhh!

Our big boss! Jonathan Wright, Talisman Malaysia Limited Vice President. An event is incomplete without a word or two from the main man.

And how could you have an outdoor event without the compulsory balloon cutting ceremony, cut the ribbon and weee!!!! everybody look, the helium filled balloons are flying up high into the sky! weeeeee!!! clap! clap! clap! everyone!!!!!!!.... he!he!he! beautiful though isn't it?

That's a thumbs up from Zarif there for the bouncy slide.

Face painting!

To be continued... it's late and I'm just feeling to guilty for spending time blogging instead of checking out my work that I brought home! Do check in again.

Staying at home

It's nice this unexpected time that I suddenly have at my disposal. One week off from work. Stay home and rest and I'll see you in two weeks time. Lovely. I am definitely following the Doctor's orders. This is my 2nd day at home. I get up early today, cause my alarm clock went off the usual working week time, and I am too lazy to switch it off cause I would have to re-set it again next week. It is just much easier to turn the alarm off when it goes. Wake my husband up, cause he needs to fetch my makcik urut at 8 ish as promised. She came last evening too. Hhhmmm lovely, all this massages that I'm getting. I just love it. I could really get use to this. After this morning's massage which ended at about 10, I found on the table that Jack had bought nasi lemak, mmm yummy, even though I had some left over pasta earlier before my massage, but that was nothing, it was so little, I mean I did say leftovers from last night's dinner. What 4 spoonfuls the most??? Nothing, how can one resist nasi lemak wrapped in daun pisang right!

Before attacking the nasi lemak, I decided to cook lunch first, thinking that Nayli would be home from school soon, I might as well since I'm all energised and refreshed from my massage session. Made a quicky Chicken Korma, it's been a while since I've made them, actually had to consult a recipe book, do I need to add the tamarind juice in? Well, one cook book didn't say so, but my maid insisted that my mom always add the dried assam keping (tamarind, whatever!). Anyhow, it turned out ok. Thank goodness I cooked something proper. Jack ended up having lunch at home. He never did manage to do any groceries last weekend, since I was in the hospital and he took the kids out to KLCC for a treat. So anyway, he actually took Zarif to Carrefour this morning after sending home the makcik urut and did some shopping. By the time he was done there, it was 12 ish already and I thought he might as well have lunch at home.

When he came home with Zarif, Nayli was already home from school and I just started watching a movie on Star Movies, The Family Stone starring Diane Keaton, my favourite actress SJP (Sarah Jessica Parker), Dermott Mulroney (is that how you spell his name???), Claire Danes etc etc. I have seen this movie, before but what the heck... since I HAVE THE TIME!!!

After Jack left for work, I just had to have a bit of a rest. It turned out to be a lovely long afternoon nap. Not without some minor interruptions though. Twice I was awoken from my slumber to the sceamings of my kids and I had to give Nayli 2 time-outs in her room for screaming at his brother for taking HIS toys!!! What??? I know!!!

In the end they woke me up like at 5, to ask permission whether or not they could go to the playground. I got up because I knew my maid had fried some lovely cucur ikan bilis ADABI (you should really give this thing a go, it's really yummy and easy to make!). So it was this lovely cucur while watching yet another movie, The Object of My Desire, starring Jennifer Aniston till the end. I ended up getting my evening shower late cause I just had to watch my 6:30 - 7 :30 p.m Malay Soap Majalara first. I am so hooked on this thing. The plot thickens everyday.

I came out of the shower, Zarif is in my bed half-asleep waiting for me to come out and prepare his milk in semi-darkness and Nayli was sprawled out on the sofa asleep. After a bottle of milk, he's off to Lala Lala Land, and I had only a wee bit of dinner considering the amount of cucur I had this afternoon. Thought, I'd settle some bills and check my emails. I ended up blogging instead...

Okay logging off now, maybe I will catch another movie, I know for a fact that Jack is on the way home from a meeting at the Curve with my absolute favourite donut of the moment , forgot the name, the Big Apple was it... whatever, maybe I'll write about it tomorrow! That will give me something else to write about besides my massage tomorrow morning, yep I have another session tomorrow and the day after and ....

Just finished reading

Incidentally that eventful Saturday morning when it happened, just before I went to sleep, I just finished a good book by Catherine Alliot, A Crowded Marriage.

A Crowded Marriage by Catherine Alliot
Review by Veronica Kirby (http://www.handbag.com/lifestyle/books/crowded-marriage-review/)

What's the story?

There are already three people in Imogen Cameron's marriage - herself, her husband, Alex, and their son, Rufus - and that's just the way she likes it. But then the Camerons are forced to accept an offer from Eleanor Latimer of a rent-free cottage on her estate. Ordinarily, such an offer is not to be sniffed at but as Eleanor happens to be Alex's beautiful, rich and frankly flirtatious ex, Imogen is very sniffy indeed. And with good reason.
Once installed in Shepherd's Cottage, Imogen's life is suddenly full to bursting with surly locals, psychotic chickens, mountains of manure, visits from the infuriatingly bossy vet, and of course Eleanor; who seems to be permanently at Alex's side. As far as Imogen's concerned, two's a marriage, three's a family and this! Well, this is just silly, someone's going to have to go. The question is who?
Look here too

Who would like this?Lovers of well-written women's fiction should welcome this latest Alliot novel for its touching story and laugh-out-loud lines. Fans of authors such as Cathy Kelly, Jill Mansell and Patricia Scanlan will enjoy any of Catherine Alliot's offerings.
Will I get bored?Not likely. Catherine Alliot's books are bestsellers because they're full of likeable characters, real emotion and great laughs.

Moving On

Yes, unfortunately I am still on the subject. This time I would like to share with you a website that deals with Coping Emotionally after a Miscarriage. You can either directly go to the website at http://www.womens-health.co.uk/miscarr.htm or, just read on as I have pasted the article here for your quick reading.

Dealing Emotionally with Miscarriage

Suffering from a miscarriage or

stillbirth can be very traumatic. Not only is it taxing on you physically, but emotionally as well. While a woman’s body can heal and recover relatively quickly from a miscarriage, emotionally, the healing process can take much longer. Although many women do not want to deal with their feelings after a pregnancy loss, facing them can help you pull through and emerge a stronger person.

The Grieving Process

As with any loss, it is normal for couples to feel grief after a miscarriage. Unfortunately, far too often, outwardly displaying signs of grief is seen as a sign of weakness, causing some to be tempted to bottle up this emotion. Though you may want to appear emotionally strong to those around you, it is important to keep in mind that entering a grieving period after a significant loss is a perfectly normal human emotion.
There is no specific amount of time that a couple is expected to grieve after a pregnancy loss. How long a woman and her partner mourn for will vary from couple to couple and is not dictated by the length of a pregnancy. Whether you had an early miscarriage or stillbirth, the pain can be equally acute. Only you will know how long you need to grieve for.

Moving Past the Grief

Grief is not the only emotion associated with miscarriages. Other typical emotions reported by woman who have lost a pregnancy include depression, loneliness and isolation. Although these feelings are perfectly normal, if you are having troubles coping day to day because of your emotions, you may want to make an appointment with your health care provider. When your emotions begin to interfere with your daily activities, it can be a sign of major depression, a health issue that requires professional attention.

Another common emotional response to a spontaneous abortion is self-blame. Many women often feel that if only they had done something differently, if only they hadn’t had that glass of wine before they found out they were pregnant, they wouldn’t have miscarried. These thoughts can ring in your mind for weeks, making it even harder to get over your loss.

Miscarriage can also cause a woman to feel intense anger and jealousy towards other women, even friends, who are pregnant. While these emotions can be appalling, they will eventually pass and fade.

The Male Side

Miscarriages can make men nervous to talk to their partners. Not only are they upset about the loss, but also they are grieving for their partner. As a result, you may find that your partner is reluctant to broach the topic, fearful that he may upset you. Be honest with your partner; if you are not ready to openly discuss the loss with him, say so. But don’t forget to also let him know when you do want to talk.
After a miscarriage, a couple’s relationship can become noticeably strained. Dealing with such a significant loss can cause individuals to turn inwards and away from each. Yet, this is when you each need each other the most, for support and for a shoulder to cry on. Discussing your feelings after a miscarriage is often difficult for couples, but it is necessary. If you find that there is too much stress on your relationship right now, seeking out couples counseling can help you work through your grief as well as improve the communication between you and your partner.

Finding Support

Your friends and family are one of your best sources to find the support you need during this difficult time. Unfortunately, sometimes those that you want the most support from are the ones that make the situation worse by ignoring it. Though this can lead to feelings of hurt and anger, perhaps even causing you to withdraw from those closest to you, try to keep in mind that perhaps they are avoiding the topic for fear of upsetting you. Like your partner, it is important to be honest with your friends and family, letting them know when you do and when you don’t want to talk about your miscarriage.
Another great place to turn to after a miscarriage is a support group. Talking with other women and couples who are also dealing with the aftermath of a miscarriage can breakdown those feelings of isolation and loneliness. Alternatively, speaking with a professional therapist one-on-one can help you come to terms with your loss.

Coping Tips

Here are some tips that may be useful in helping you deal with your miscarriage:

Write it Down: Journal writing is an excellent method for people to air out their emotions. Because a journal is private, you can be honest with yourself and your thoughts, allowing yourself to reflect on just what it is that you are feeling. Furthermore, studies have found that writing in a journal can actually speed up the recovery period during sad times.

Set Some Rules: It can be difficult for your friends and family to know whether you feel comfortable hearing about other women’s pregnancies and pregnancy losses. To help yourself and those around you feel better and more at ease, make it clear which topics, if any, are off limits with you.

Go Away: If you don’t feel ready to face the world right after your miscarriage, then don’t. Take some time off of work to focus on yourself. If you can, arrange for your partner to also have some free time so you can be together.

Remember: Finding a special way to commemorate your child can turn a negative situation into a positive one, helping you to let go of your grief. Some parents choose to hold a memorial service while others decide to plant a tree in a local park or their backyard. Some even choose to write about their experience or create a website in order to help others.

More about the subject m/c : MISCARRIAGE

I thought I'd surf the web to find out more about what I just went through and perhaps find some suggestions as how to move on after this experience. Found some good websites regarding the subject matter. I attached here some snapshots about it, unless you have gone through it, I guess you never bothered to find out more about it.

This is something from http://www.questdiagnostics.com:

I am, oops I mean I was in my 4-5th week of conception, so it's the very early stage in the 1st trimester. My Dr. concluded that I do not require D&C. Even though I have heard the negative effects of D&C, I do have a little ningling doubt whether my miscarriage is complete and my uterus is utterly clean. After reading through this article, I feel confident that I'm ok.

Have a read through... could be useful to you one day, I mean not that I'm wishing you go through what I did, at least you have some information should a close friend or a relative is going through a m/c.

What is a miscarriage?

A miscarriage is the loss of a pregnancy during the first 20 weeks. (After 20 weeks, pregnancy loss is known as a stillbirth.)

The natural miscarriage process can take days to weeks. Common signs of a miscarriage can include vaginal bleeding; pain in the abdomen, lower back, or pelvis; or passing fetal tissue from the vagina. Bleeding may be light or heavy and constant or irregular. It can sometimes be difficult to know whether light bleeding is a sign of miscarriage. When bleeding is accompanied by pain, however, the likelihood of a miscarriage is high.

What should I do if I am or might be miscarrying? What are the risks of not calling a health professional?

If you have miscarriage symptoms, call your doctor or nurse-midwife immediately. Going without medical care or advice increases your risk of complications. Your health professional will want to be sure that you:

Are not losing too much blood or developing an infection.
Do not have signs of an ectopic pregnancy, which can be life-threatening and requires emergency surgery to remove the embryo or fetus.
Are not at risk of Rh sensitization, which may be dangerous to a fetus in your next pregnancy. If your blood type is Rh-negative and your partner's is Rh-positive, you will need preventive treatment.

For more information, see the topic Rh Sensitization During Pregnancy.

How is a miscarriage treated?

Although there is no treatment to reverse a miscarriage, there are several treatment options for preventing complications. Depending on your condition, you may be able to choose:

1) Watchful waiting and close medical observation, known as expectant management, as the miscarriage progresses over several days or weeks.
2) Medicine to complete the miscarriage process, known as medical management.
3) Surgical treatment with dilation and curettage (D&C) or vacuum aspiration to complete the miscarriage process.

If your health professional has confirmed that your first-trimester or early second-trimester miscarriage is complete and all tissue has passed from your uterus, expect the bleeding to taper off within a week or so. Unless you develop a fever or heavy bleeding, you will not need follow-up treatment. Your health professional may, however, want to see you sometime during the next month.

If you are miscarrying and do not have signs of infection or severe bleeding, there is little risk involved in medically supervised watching and waiting (expectant management).

If you are miscarrying, are bleeding heavily (using one or more sanitary pads per hour), have severe pain, or have a fever of about 100°F (37.8°C) or higher, you are at significant risk of life-threatening blood loss or infection if you are not treated. See a doctor immediately.

If you need more information, see the topic Miscarriage.

Your choices are to:
Try watching and waiting (expectant management) for up to 4 weeks, to see whether the miscarriage resolves naturally over time.
Use medicine that is likely to cause the uterus to empty.
Have a surgical procedure that clears the uterus.
The decision about whether to have treatment to complete a miscarriage takes into account your personal feelings and the medical facts.

Deciding about treatment:

Reasons to try watchful waiting (expectant management)
You are stable and have no fever or heavy bleeding.
You are miscarrying in the first trimester.
You have ready access to emergency health care services.
Are there other reasons that you might want to try watchful waiting?

Reasons not to try watchful waiting (expectant management)

You are not comfortable with the idea of waiting for days or weeks until the miscarriage ends on its own.
You are bleeding severely.
You have signs of infection, such as.
A fever of around 100°F (37.8°C) or higher.
Moderate to severe abdominal pain or cramping.
Smelly vaginal discharge.
Are there other reasons that you might not want to try watchful waiting?

This website also has a table to show the comparison of miscarriage treatment options. I am not able to succesfully copy the table in the same format in this blog posts, so hope some of the information above helps and for more please revert to the mentioned website.

What a week!

It has been a very eventful week, or rather a week and 2 days to be exact. It all started on Thursday the 26th July. At the office we were all preparing for our one and only annual business trip, at least a 3 days 2 nights trip to Vietnam, only to Hanoi this year since the partner’s office in Ho Chi Minh City has been moved to … Jalan Ampang!!! Yeah, the PETRONAS Carigali Vietnam JV Dept was moved to their KLCC office. What a bummer! So we had to settle for Hanoi only. Preparing for the trip means, you know the mandatory presentation slides, the backup answers for some pre-empted queries by both the Malaysian and the Vietnam partners ladida ladidee… In the car to work on Thursday morning I felt rather achy all over and I thought I had a temperature. At first I thought it was because of my workout at the gym, but remembering that the last time I was at the gym was on Tuesday, the muscle aches cannot be 2 days later. I suspect that I was coming down with something. A quick visit to the Dr at noon confirmed that I was already burning up, 38oC. So, I took the half day off hoping to sleep off the fever that afternoon so that I could come back fresh the next day to copy the presentation materials that the others are still working on into the laptop that I had to take along to Hanoi on Monday. Our flight was supposed to be at 10 am Monday, so there is just no time to stop by the office that Morning, everything has got to be done by Friday.

When I woke up Friday morning, feeling rather normal, as in I was no longer shivering when I came in contact with water, so I thought I was fine. Off to work I went, also found out the evening before that I was supposed to prepare some additional back up slides, so got to get myself to the office then, no excuse.

Half way through the day, I found myself feeling lousy again, my fever is back. I quickly printed all the presentation materials, copied all the soft copies and then I pleaded with my husband to fetch me home early. At 4, my husband rang to say that he’s 5 minutes away. So, nervously I approached my boss to get his permission to scoot off early saying that I’m still not feeling too good. He was like, “are you going to be well enough for the trip on Monday?”. I’m like, yeah, well I going home straight to “recuperate”, should be able to make it.

Hah!, Little did I know, that I was flat on my back that evening, the whole of Saturday and guess what I was burning up to even 39-40 oC on Sunday!!! I really thought I wouldn’t be able to make it for my trip. I thank god that I have somewhat prepared with my packing list earlier in the week, and have bought all that I needed to buy for the trip, including bubble wraps, tapes and strings (this is another story altogether) and I have also changed my shopping money. Very important, this!

On Sunday, when I felt a little stronger after taking my last 2 Uphamol, I hurriedly packed my stuff, just incase I wake up on Monday bright and breezy and ok to go. However, once the aspirin began to wear off, I started feeling sick again and when I checked my temperature, I was burning up again. Since I am out of aspirins, we went to Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital also intending to do dengue test since my temperature was yoyo-ing up and down, but I’ve learnt my lesson, so I called my Insurance Company way ahead to ensure that they send in my Guarantee letter early.

Well, actually, besides the fever, I am also late. As in my monthly friend was 4 days late that Sunday. I am never late, always on time or early. So, besides going through a dengue blood test, I also had them do a urine test. Waited for about an hour in the emergency room, they gave me 2 panadols to reduce my temperature when I came in. Finally, they called us back in for the results. First and foremost, the Dr said I don’t have dengue, my platlet was pretty high at 300. So good, my urine test though showed that I may have some kind of a Vaginal Infection, and the Pregnancy Test showed that I am +ve!!! Alhamdulillah!!! I’m finally pregnant! Nayli was with us, she was estatic. I don’t know what did it, whether it was the panadol, or the –ve results for the dengue test or just the fact that I am +vely pregnant. But when I left the hospital, I felt so much better. So I knew then that I’m fine and I’m going to Hanoi. As long as I took my aspirins at the prescribed times. I even set the alarm at 12 that night to pop more panadols. Crazy.

Woke up at 6, pop more panadols, every six hours, truly I was just following the prescription. I made sure that I was dressed for the cool temperature in the aircraft. To hell about dressing up to go into Business Class, I was in my oldest oldest jeans, and my Polo Shirt, threw in my trench-coat, yes you read it right, the only smart looking jacket in my closet, if it wasn’t my thin trenchies I would have to resort to either a few layers of pashima, (the colours would just clash) or my sweat shirt from University Days. So the trench coat it is. Boy was I glad I had it, cause it was cold in the plane, plus my not so well self. Luckily I’m all warm and drugged!!!

There were 4 of us from TML, myself, Izam, Maisura and our boss Razzi. Maisura is the new addition to this trip. Last year it was with Norlina since Maisura was not directly involved in WPB. Since this year Norlina is aready heavily pregnant, and Maisura has been taking over Norlina’s WPB portfolio, she gets to go to the Review. We were joined by 4 other gentlemen from PETRONAS Carigali. Everyone carries one super compact carry on luggage with the wheels and handle that everyone seems to carry these days. With the exception of me and Izam who had checked in a huge bag each containing at least one other empty bag. We had plans, obviously.

The plane was about 40 minutes late leaving KLIA, so we finally reach Hanoi at about 2ish local time, 1 hour earlier than Malaysian time. We got settled in our Hotel, Hilton Hanoi Opera, we got the Executive Floor this time. Thank goodness we were not given the huge 3 bedded rooms like last year. Unpack, did our Jamak prayers and we had some tea at the Executive Lounge before setting off to Hang Gai and Hang Trong to begin our shopping expedition!!! I was tired I guess from the flight etc etc so my “shopping speed” was not my normal. I also vowed to myself to stick to the budget and not touch my credit card at all. So the slow motion action was good. I also planned to stick to my shopping list. Some silk tablecloths for myself and mom, some cotton ones for mom only, some lacquerware for me and mom-in law and me and me and me. For the first night in Hanoi, we finished at about 7 Hanoi time, and we thought, yeah we’ve had enough for tonight, let’s go back to the Hotel and get something to eat. We settled for the Hotel Restaurant, Chez Manon. We had the works, soup for appetizers and I had grilled seabass for the main course. I guess I was so tired that I couldn’t finish the fish, plus the thick creamy wild mushroom spoilt my appetite a little. In spite of recovering from a bad fever the day before, I was pretty ok, that night. Didn’t bother to unpack my shopping, just straight away prepare my things for the meeting next day, had a quick hot bath, prayed and jumped into bed, drugged again of course. I slept well that night. No problem.

I woke up fresh and early the next morning. My fever is gone, felt so much better. This meeting normally in previous years usually lasted for about 2-2 ½ hrs the most, but this year since we are calling it a workshop, and we invited the Carigali group from Malaysia to join the PVEP group in Hanoi, we had to prepare a presentation and discussion materials that would at least last till 3 p.m. However, miracles do happen. We managed to breeze through the slides and answer all partners queries by 1p.m. Lunch was provided courtesy of PVEP. They generously took up our suggestion to cater from the only HALAL restaurant that we know exist in Hanoi, Nissa Restaurant.

We were back at the Hotel by 3. After freshening up and changing into our shopping attire we were off to Dong Xuan Market, the wholesale market in Hanoi to continue with the rest of the unchecked items in our shopping list. I needed to get some bags for Pat and perhaps a cute sunhat for Nayli and some Pistachios to take home. When we were done with the market, we headed for Hang Gai and Hang Trong again, in case you are wondering, these two are the main shopping avenues in Hanoi to visit in the Old Quarters. If you check out the shops one by one diligently, there are a lot of things that you can get, and most of these shops dangerously accept the plastic money too!!! Again, we only stopped when it was dark and when we are so tired and hungry plus each one of us had a huge knock off Kipling body bag sized about 1mtr X 0.5mtr each filled with our purchases that evening. At first we were going to the HALAL Restaurant, then I remembered that it was our last night there, and we still haven’t tried the Lobster that Maisura was talking about in Sofitel Metropole. We actually stopped the taxi driver mid-way to Nissa and changed route to Sofitel Metropole. Gosh, aren’t we glad we did so. The lobster was fabulous. Yum! Yum! Yum! And on company’s expense, why not???

Day 3 in Hanoi – Our flight back to KL is at 14:40, so check in would be 2 hours earlier, that’s about 12. So we have about 2-3 hours still depending on what time we start in the morning. Though all our bags are packed that night, we thought, yeah why not, let’s have a final go of the Hanoi Streets one last time. We headed to Dong Xuan market again cause, Izam wanted to get some more materials and I thought I’d find a knock off Kipling Backpack to match the Black Kipling Huge “Body Bag” I bought the day before. Then we hailed a taxi to take us to Hang Gai again! We only managed to do only 4 shops but I got my table lamp that I have eyes on since last year, just a fraction smaller in size then the ones in the Hilton lobby for just a song!!! To be hand carried home of course. I also got a lovely authentic bangle from this quaint little boutique, where Mai and Izam got some nice tops and lovely satin dresses. Izam and I also got some cute traditional looking slippers for Eisha and Nayli. We did well in a 2 hour time frame. We quickly rushed home to stuff these new purchases in our bags, I had to also wrap my table lamp, order lunch in the room, have a quick shower and prepare for checkout within like 40 minutes!! We made it in good time. Then off to the airport and bye-bye Hanoi! Until next year!!!

That was Wednesday night, reach the airport at about 7p.m. Took the ERL to KL Sentral and Jack fetched me with the kids. We stopped by my mother in-law’s how’s for dinner and for me to pass to her one of the 2 souvenirs that I got for her. I was very excited about giving to her immediately. I’m like that. Anyhow only reached home at about 10:30p.m. Jack was leaving for Hanoi, no kidding the next morning on Air Asia flight at about 6 in the morning. So that night, I just met him briefly. Went to work as usual the next day and Friday. Thought I’d skipped my Yoga that Thurday evening, since I’m already pregnant and was adviced by my Yoga instructor to not continue with classes should I get pregnant. I also changed my mind about going to the Gym on Friday, since I just recovered from a bad fever I thought, I’d start exercising again next week. That afternoon for lunch, we went to The Manhattan Fish Market in Ampang Park, Izam, Zakiah and I. After lunch we went separate ways, and I ended up buying 2 “I could wear this even when I am pregnant” tops from this shop, one of which I have been eyeing a few times. Reached home, felt normal, not too tired. Read to the kids, put them to bed, somehow they slept early cause Nayli had a slight fever. Zarif fell asleep while I was in the bathroom preparing for bed.

That morning at about 2 :30 , I woke to Zarif’s call asking for milk. This is pretty normal most nights. After he finished his milk, and I made sure that he has gone back to sleep, I went to the loo. I never bothered to switch on the lights when I use the bathroom at night, cause I had my bedside lamp on, so I could pretty much see in the semi-darkness. While peeing I noticed some stains on my panties (pardon the details, here, though I need to to get facts exactly how it was). I thought ok, what is this. I immediately called my husband in Hanoi. Thank god her heard his phone rang inspite of the late or rather the early hours. As usual, Mr. Cool, (or rather later on he confessed to me that he thought, the call was a dream!) ok,relax, maybe it’s nothing. OK, though I wept a little, I said I’ll wait till morning and will go see Dr. Ashar, my Gynae in the morning since I remembered they open half day on Saturdays. We said our goodbyes and I tried to go back to sleep. Somehow I couldn’t, I got up again and went to the bathroom again. This time, I did switch on the lights, I took a cotton pad and swab my private area and to my horror, there was a thick blood clot on the cotton pad. I just screamed in horror and immediately knew this is no regular spotting. Tried calling hubby again but he didn’t answer the phone. Next I called my mom. My father answered the phone, of course hearing his and my mother’s concerned voiced, I just crumbled and started wailing. I’m bleeding, I’m bleeding what am I going to do??? My mother said go to the hospital now, don’t wait any longer. When we got off the phone, my mind just went into packing mode, cause I am so sure I am going to be admitted. Did frantic packing, kissed my sleeping babies called my maid and by that time, my father has arrived to rush me to Ampang Puteri Hospital A&E yet again, for the 2nd time in a week, I’m in that place again only for a different reason. The MO (medical officer) deduced that I should just be admitted and wait for the next day when all the clinics are open and my gynae can take a look at me.

I came in at 3:30 am on Saturday but only managed to see my Dr at 12 noon!!! He did the whole works, scanned from the outside and from the insides. The whole time, I wasn’t in pain, but I bled the whole time. And the saddest part was that he couldn’t find the sack in my uterus, just no sign of a pregnancy. The funny thing though is that my urine test that Saturday morning still showed that I’m pregnant. There are only 2 possibilities he said; either I it was an abortion, that would explain the blood clot and the bleeding and it would be a clean one, since it is still at the early stage on conception, or if it is still there it would be an ectopic pregnancy. Whatever the case, they need to do an ECG, some kind of a hormone test by taking and testing my blood sample. I was devastated anyhow. The nurse then wheeled me back to my room. I cannot remember who I was messaging immediately perhaps Jack, but I was in tears when the nurse came in again to check on me. I lost my baby! How could I have lost it??? Was it because of my high fever? My trip to Hanoi, even though my body has not fully recovered from the fever? Am I at fault? What were the signs that I have ignored. Should I have known??? This is my third pregnancy, did I just took things for granted that everything was going to be ok, just because my first two pregnant went well?? What?

Should I be relieved? That if the pregnancy were to go on, that the baby may be unhealthy? Is it nature’s way of rejecting the production of a foetus that would have been unhealthy anyway. Guess, I’d never know. I supposed I should thank god, which I do, inspite of everything that I am fine, I feel fine physically inspite of feeling the loss. My health is not in danger as of now. It is Sunday today, 5th August, the Dr. just came in this afternoon to say that they were unable to process my blood sample being a weekend and all, and they still have not ruled out an Ectopic Pregnancy, I’m still pregnant, they may need to operate on me to find that source of bleeding and to really clean the foetus (or whatever you call “my supposedly 3rd miracle”) at this stage.

It’s a funny feeling what I am going through now. This is just 4 – 5 weeks into pregnancy and I do have 2 beautiful children already. I imagined, it must be harder for 1st time will be mothers to loose their pregnancy and furthermore at a later stage of pregnancy. Only now, I know how it feels. For those who have never gone through this, you have no idea how it feels. So do not say, “I how how it feels” to some one who has just gone through this. The feeling is like no other. It’s not like you loose your diamond ring, or your maid burnt a whole in your favourite shirt and made it unwearable anymore. The feeling is just emptiness. You knew you had a growing being in you and one day you wake up and it is out of your system, just flushed out into the bowl. If I still am having this baby, the due date would be in the first week of April. I figured, since Nayli was born 2 weeks earlier and Zarif 3, I was almost certain, this baby would have been born sometime in late March making it a month after Zarif’s birthday. I was already planning to have a combined 1st birthday party with Zarif in 2009. I knew perhaps I jinxed if for planning too soon. That’s why the Malays believed in keeping mum for a while about a pregnancy and not to plan too far ahead, especially not a 1st birthday party at the 1st month of pregnancy. Now I know.

I do accept it now. It’s just not meant to be. It isn’t time yet. It’s not the right moment. Allah is great! He giveth and he taketh whenever he deems right. I should not argue or even question. It is just not right for me to do so. So, I resign to accept his test dutifully. This is fate and I embrace it.